Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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