she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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