the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
