turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
