break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
