plz talk dirty to me
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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