You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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