Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
How external is "for external use only"?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
