so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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