when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
