Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
