I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
