So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
