is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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