im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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