Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
