He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
