I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
