So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
