I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
