We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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