He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
