you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
