Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
