well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
