I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
