Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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