I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
