You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
