how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
