I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
