just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
