you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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