my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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