my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
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so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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