She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
