The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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