What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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