my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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