Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
