see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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