didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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