apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
