Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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