she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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