Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
