Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
God I need to hump something, right now.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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