So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
