How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
