I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
