i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
