I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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