The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize