She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
