I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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