I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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