I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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