I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
