What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
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last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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