she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have already put on my inside pants.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
