I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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