No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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