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This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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