Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
