and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
