so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
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not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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