So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
