Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Randomize
